[attr="class,"bioentry"][break]

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sorrow chokes him, words fail him[break]
the turning off destiny of two lives [break]
and the tie chanced by a witch[break]
brought him a cursed life[break]
and careful as in the dream he trods on ice[break][break]

o was it a dream, those innocent days [break]
when he reached 25, counted 26,[break]
the inborn curse in him blossomed and [break]
with this face and this body [break]
he vowed a life of hundred years [break][break]

the flow of time was still [break]
the gods too took pity of his fate[break]
spring breezes and autumn rains [break]
alas they flew like a shuttle [break]
and his face that was once so bright [break]
where did it go? who disgraced it so?[break][break]

turn away from the mirror, look no more[break]
who, who will look at him now?[break]
when flowers smiled in the setting sun,[break]
he rode away on a white horse, with no aim, no destination.[break]
where would he stop? where would he lodge?[break]
how far he went he knows not[break]
you will hear nothing from him, not a word[break][break]

yet he dares to hope he will remember her,[break]
though changed from what he has been[break]
hush, anxious heart, hush. that longs[break]
for the face of her who abandoned him[break]
long is a day, cruel is a month[break]
the plum trees by the jade window[break]
have blossomed and scattered, spring after spring[break][break]

the winter night is bitter cold,[break]
and snow falls thick and fast[break]
long, long is a summer’s day[break]
the dreary rain makes his heartache keener[break]
and blessed spring with flowers and willows,[break]
it, too, wears a melancholy look[break]
when the autumn moon enters his room[break]
and crickets chirp on the couch[break]
a long sigh and salty tears[break]
endlessly make him recall details of the past[break][break]

it is hard to bring this cruel life to an end[break]
no, he must unravel his sorrow calmly[break]
lightning the blue lantern, he plays[break]
a song of blue lotus on the green lute,[break]
and play it as his sorrow commands him[break][break]

as though the rain on the hsiao and hsiang[break]
beat confusedly over the bamboo leaves,[break]
as though the crane returned whooping[break]
after a span of a hundred years[break]
fingers may pluck the familiar tune,[break]
but who will listen? [break]
the room is empty except for the lotus-brocaded curtains[break][break]

sing the pain that pierces his heart[break]
and let it unravel sorrow inch by inch[break]
o to sleep, and see her in a dream;[break]
but for what reason and by what enmity[break]
do the fallen leaves rustling in the wind[break]
and the insects piping among the grasses[break]
wake me from my never-ending sleep?[break][break]

but since she left me, left me alone,[break]
what magic separates her from me[break]
and what makes her silent across the time?[break]
leaning on the balustrade, I gaze at the path she took -[break]
dewdrops glitter on the young grass,[break]
evening clouds pass by;[break]
birds sing sadly in the thickets of green bamboos[break][break]

numberless are the sorrowful;[break]
but none can be as wretched as him[break]
think, love, you caused him this grief[break]
he knows not whether he shall live or die[break][break]

[break]

You were born as a bastard to the King. Yi Yeongjo. A rank so low not even a title given to you could ever change. They say you’re a prince but they spit the word out of their mouths as if it’s poison. Your life was cursed from the beginning - a curse that would haunt you to death. Bringer of misfortune, they said to your father, to your mother, to your half-brother. A title that stuck with you your entire life. You heard it being whispered around the court, around the palace and around the city of Hanyang. The palace was supposed to be your home, but it was a prison to you. A prison your mother only managed to escape by death. She abandoned you. Without saying goodbye she left you alone in this dark, dark, place.[break][break]

Abandoned by the only person who you thought cared about you, you were left alone amidst enemies. You never had someone close enough to call them friends. They all stayed away from you. No one dared to speak to you. You were hidden away in the back of Huwon, the secret garden at Changdeokgung. You liked it there... if it wasn’t for the people surrounding you. Those were thorns in your garden. [break][break]

But amidst the thorns, you found a rose. A rose blooming so bright it changed your life. You found someone you could call a friend. Soon you called her love. She made you forget about the cursed life you’re living. You forgot about it but the curse never forgot about you. Misfortune was brought to you the moment you found a glimpse of happiness. [break][break]

The rose was ripped out of your hands, replaced by the thorns. You were taken away. Forced to join the royal army and fight for your life. But you made it out alive and you returned. You’ve gotten stronger, but no matter how strong you were, you could not beat this shitty life of yours. You returned to the palace and your father appointed you as royal guard. It sounded like a bad joke to you. You were supposed to protect those you hated the most. [break][break]

You never saw the rose at the palace since you returned. You didn’t dare to ask others about her, afraid, you might bring misfortune to her too. Little did you know, you already did. You found her residing with your father at Gyeongbokgung, turned into one of his concubines, bruised and beaten without reasons. The reason was you. You were not supposed to have something nice. You received your brother’s clothes, his leftover food, his unreadable books. Your family hated you and they made a lot of effort to show it to you.[break][break]


The youngest of your brothers actually liked you. He never made a fuss about your rank. He loved you as much as a 7 year old could love. But of course, you knew better than to let it fool you. He fell ill. An unknown illness with no cure. The royal medics tried their best, but he wouldn't make it. His mother blamed you, for being near him, for daring to even just look at him with those sad, unlucky eyes. She had you punished. 30 whiplashes until your back bled. The moment you let out a whimper or a wince she would add 10 more. You were carried back to your quarters and you slept for three days straight. The pain remained for much longer.[break][break]
But you wouldn’t let them rip you apart. So you decided to sneak into the palace to see her. You met, every second night, shared a kiss and then you left again before the guards could catch you. It was a good time. Months passed before you found the courage to ask her to run away. Live a different life together. She said yes. You both knew the risk was high, you might become fugitives and hunted down for treason. Your father would find a reason to catch you. You wished he wouldn’t bother, just like he would never bother about caring about you. However, you forgot about your fate again. Your father found out, your brother blew the whistle on you. You were forced to watch her die - die a painful and gruesome death. [break][break]

The same night you were dragged out of your slumber. Your bare feet rubbed against the hard stone ground. Your hair fell out of its bun, but that would not matter anyway. They dragged you into a room near the main gate. You watched as they opened a rice chest, your brother crawled out of it, then they replaced him with you. For 7 days you suffered, starved and were on the brink of dehydration. Your mouth was dry, your tongue rough, your lips chapped and bloody. On the last day you felt like dying. There was almost no energy left in your body and even though you fought against the tiredness embracing you slowly but yet fast, you barely made it out alive. You couldn't stand on your own, sit or kneel. You were used as a replacement for your brothers’ sin, so he could escape. Since then you hated tight spaces. You feared them.[break][break]
[break]

That day you made a decision. A decision your mother made before you. You couldn’t take it no more. The night was calm as you strolled through the city one last time. In the darkness your eyes met those of a creature so horrible you could have never imagined it existed. You watched as it grew a pair of fangs and dug them into a poor woman’s neck. The white of her silk garments turned red, soaked in her blood. You couldn’t believe your eyes and before you knew you drew your sword. Ha, as if you could have stood a chance against it. You watched in horror as the sword was twisted out of your hand within a second, as it grabbed you and sunk its teeth into your neck just like it did with the woman. But your clothes were black. No one would see the blood on them. Your horror turned into delight as you felt your life getting sucked out of your body. This was it. This was what you wanted anyway. You didn’t resist. You just let it happen.[break][break]

You weren’t spared from the misfortune you brought. The creature noticed you desire to die and let you go. No, no, no, you pleaded, begged him to end it. You watched him smile in return and then he vanished into the night. You held your bleeding neck with your hand, applying pressure to it. Your hands were stained with your own blood. You felt weak but not weak enough to stay where you were. You crawled over to the bridge looming above a raging river. You failed two times to throw yourself over the wooden railing, but in the end you did it. Your body hit the ice cold water, the impact knocking out your breath, your lungs filled with water but again… you didn’t resist. You let it happen. At least this time there was no one to stop you.[break][break]

So you thought.[break][break]

You woke up buried underground, covered in earth. You wouldn't believe it. You didn’t want to believe it. Your mother did it, but why was it not working for you? Surrounded by darkness, you dug your way out. You felt strange. Your sight was clear and overbearing. You heard someone talk from far away. You could smell the fruits growing on a tree on top of a hill. But what bothered you the most was that you were hungry. So, so, so hungry. [break][break]

An unfamiliar voice brought you back to reality and you crawled out of your own grave to meet the man who had taken pity on you and let you live. He told you, you weren’t alive though. Undead, he told you. A creature of the night. He explained to you, told you stories about a world ordinary humans couldn’t know about. You didn’t believe him. He shrugged it off, telling you there was no need to believe it, that you could pretend to be human. Deep inside of you, you knew you weren’t. But all you could think about was the hunger. You fled to the nearby village. He didn’t stop you.[break][break]

With this new found power it almost drove you insane. The hunger lingering inside of you. A thirst so strong it ripped you apart. The scent of fresh blood pumping through those mortal veins stung in your nose. You couldn’t hold back. Not anymore. You went on a killing spree, leaving not one single soul to survive. You couldn’t stop yourself. No one could.[break][break]

You took refugee in a gisaeng house. The owner turned out to be a witch. You remember asking her if you were cursed, but she denied it. She said to you: you’re just one unfortunate bastard. But you never knew if she told you the truth or if she was hiding something. The gisaeng house became your home for a while. And even after you left you visited frequently until it was burned to the ground. As far as you know no one survived. But you doubted a powerful witch like her would be easily killed like that.[break][break]
[break]

You turned yourself into a murderer. A cold-blooded murderer. No one stopped you. No one could stop you. Soon you found yourself back at home. You slaughtered the entire court - with the exception of your father. You made him watch. Made him watch how you killed every single person starting from the lower maids to his queen. You got your revenge. Revenge you didn’t know you wanted. You forgot that you just wanted to escape this hell but instead, you changed, changed into someone you are not. You were a different person now. All the smiles were gone from your face. Your face turned into stone. Your soul was gone. Every tiny bit of humanity was left behind in the raging river.[break][break]

The years passed. You were hunted down for murder and treason, but every time someone managed to locate you, you killed them. You didn’t care anymore. Life was worth nothing to you. Every day felt so long it started wearing you down. Life became boring. You couldn’t sleep anymore. You couldn’t eat anymore. There was no joy left. You had no goal, no intention, no purpose - no reason. You moved from village to village every nine years to avoid suspicions. You stopped aging the moment you were turned. You were now forever 26. Every time you moved, you pretended to be younger than you are.[break][break]

It was when the Japanese invaded the country, you decided to travel. You followed some to Japan, then you moved to China. At some point, you ended up in England, Germany, Italy, but you can barely remember those days. You lost track of time, track of your age. It wasn’t important to you anyway. But every year you would find yourself back in your home country. It changed. It changed so much, no one could ever recognize you. Your home became a tourist hot spot.[break][break]

That didn’t stop you from sneaking in. It was your home anyway. You had a right to be there and everyone who thought differently was dead. You found yourself mourning your lover's death every year on the anniversary. You found yourself spending a month residing back at Huwon. You would hide during the day and come out at night when the tourists were gone. You would light lanterns and fill the lake with flowers.[break][break]

At the beginning of a new century, you found yourself in the United States. You’ve been there before, passing by, but you never stayed long. However, you got bored with Asia and Europe so you made yourself a new home in New York City. You never fit into any of the clans. You didn’t fit into this one either. You preferred going solo, being clanless. You enjoyed the solitude. You didn’t need anyone. They would end up abandoning you again. You think you would end up bringing misfortune to everyone near you. You know you would regret it.[break][break]

[break]

Sometimes you think you see her in the crowd, but you don’t dare to go near her. You are afraid. Afraid of losing her again. The times you have the courage to take a closer look, you find out it’s not her. It’s just someone who looks like her. All you have left is a painting of her, one you got commissioned with memories. Day by day, you think you forget more and more of your past. You already did but she always managed to stay afloat in your mind. You see her in your daydreams. You hear her laughter in the silence of the night. But you know, she’s not there and she will never be there again.[break][break]

born: 1736[break]
died/turned: 1762 [ 26 ][break]
former occupation: royal palace guard[break]
current occupation: bodyguard/security[break]
family: king yeongjo [ father, deceased ][break]
unnamed concubine [ mother, deceased ][break]
base poem by heo nanseolheon[break]

[attr="class","bioline"]se jin han

[attr="class","bioline"]jin

[attr="class","bioline"]two hundred eighty four

[attr="class","bioline"]male

[attr="class","bioline"]heterosexual

[attr="class","bioline"]vampire

[attr="class","bioline"]bodyguard/security

[attr="class","bioline"]april 5th

[attr="class","bioline"]woo do hwan

[attr="class","bioline"]alias - hayana

[attr="class","bioicon"]